I can't deal.

I seriously feel like I'm going to explode here.

I'm getting desperate for a job. I applied online for Geico as a sales rep, and I got an email today turning me down! I didn't even get an interview! Lame. Not that I was dying to work there, it's just lame that I got turned down by them.

Ya know how parents are on facebook? Bad idea all around. Worse when your mother's status says "I want a chance to kvell."

I really want to give her a reason to kvell. :(

"Lack of money is the root of all evil." - George Bernard Shaw

I have always been a wannabe hippie. Along with my desire to be a hippie came my hatred for money. This is ironic, considering I grew up as an upper middle class child on Long Island, and had everything I could ask for and more. I couldn't wait to graduate with a bachelor of fine arts in theatre and live off of Ramen and cans of tuna. That never happened. Instead, I got entangled in a messy web of broken promises, and an apartment I could never afford. That led me back home to live with my mom and stepfather. There are definitely worse things, and they treat me (and my pup) very well. I only turned 24 last week, but all of a sudden a large handful of people I grew up with or went to college with are getting/got married. They all have jobs and places of their own. They have things as in order as they could be in your early to mid twenties. And I'm envious, and concerned...

No, I don't want to be married right now. I don't even think I'm in a place to be in a relationship. I just never realized how important money is, basically...which makes me envious of anyone who has it somewhat together right now. I honestly don't know what to do next. There is a program I'd love to do, and they would definitely help me find a job after. I'm just not sure if it's a financial commitment I should make right now. Any job I could get after would be very entry level, if not an internship. Yes, I would probably love what I was doing. No, I would not easily get out of this financial ditch I have dug for myself.

Should I sell my car? What about my eggs? I'm getting desperate. And very sad.

Trying to not be lazy...

For all of my big fans (still wondering if people read this...), I figured lyrics weren't enough for today. Maybe if I had more exciting things in my life, I'd have more to say. That really must have won me some followers right there.

But seriously-
I just completed my first week of work, so this is my first normal person weekend. Work wasn't too bad, but if I have to do this forever, I'll explode. Right now, it looks like I don't have too many options. I need the money, but thank goodness I don't have to pay rent. I just hope I don't turn around and it's my 30th birthday, and my mom's still calling upstairs for me to change my sheets.

Thank goodness for these rehearsals.. they're getting me out of the house and I get to do what I love. The only problem is that I really should be like half the weight I am. That always seems to be an issue, no matter what the situation. I mean, no, not half of my weight, but these poor guys have to spend 3 hours a night holding me up in the air. I'm covered in bruises, so I can't even imagine what they look/feel like.

..but I love carbs. A lot. I could seriously only eat bagels and ice cream for the rest of my life and I'd be happy. Well, I'd be happy with bagels, ice cream, and a life.

Lyrics mean I'm lazy

"Can't Go Back Now" - The Weepies

Yesterday when you were young
Everything you needed done was done for you
Now you do it on your own
But you find you're all alone, what can you do?

You and me walk on, walk on, walk on
'Cause you can't go back now

You know there will be days
When you're so tired
That you can't take another step
The night will have no stars
And you'll think you've gone as far
As you will ever get

You and me walk on, walk on, walk on
'Cause you can't go back now

And yeah, yeah, you go where you want to go
Yeah, yeah, be what you want to be
If you ever turn around, you'll see me

I can't really say
Why everybody wishes they were somewhere else
But in the end, the only steps that matter
Are the ones you take all by yourself

You and me walk on, walk on, walk on
Yeah, you and me walk on, walk on, walk on
'Cause you can't go back now
Walk on, walk on, walk on
You can't go back now

Phase... whatever

My answer to not having a job? Creating one, or at least in my own head. I'm doing that whole reinventing myself bullshit. I've spent more time at the gym these past 2 days than I have this year (remember those 20 lbs I gained? Yea...). I even went to a dietitian this morning, so I could pay her to tell me everything I already know. But "this time it's a lifestyle change, not a diet!" Yea, yea. A diet to me is any time that I can't eat whatever I want.. so.. now! Whatever. I'm trying again. For the millionth time. But now, I have no excuses. I can't possibly even make one up! I have no job, no schedule, and all of the hours in the world to work out and eat baby carrots. Anyway, I'll keep you (yea, you.. anyone?) updated on my body progress.

You know what sucks? Those couple of years right out of college. Yea, the clueless ones.

"But somehow I can't shake the feeling I might make...

....a difference to the human race!"

Avenue Q is hysterical. I saw it twice and laughed as if I hadn't played the soundtrack 4,000 times before...but I honestly feel that if I saw it now (and if so, better be soon- it closes on Broadway on Sept. 13) I would cry hysterically instead. I'm just that lame.

Lyrics time! Purpose, from Avenue Q, of course (oh and it's only part because it got really confusing with the mulitple parts):



PURPOSE,
IT'S THAT LITTLE FLAME
THAT LIGHTS A FIRE
UNDER YOUR ASS.
PURPOSE,
IT KEEPS YOU GOING STRONG
LIKE A CAR WITH A FULL
TANK OF GAS.
EVERYONE ELSE HAS
A PURPOSE
SO WHAT'S MINE?
Oh, look! Here's a penny!
It's from the year I was born!
IT'S A SIGN!
BA-BA-BA-BA
DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO
I DON'T KNOW HOW I KNOW,
BUT I'M GONNA FIND
MY PURPOSE.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE
I'M GONNA LOOK,
BUT I'M GONNA FIND
MY PURPOSE.
GOTTA FIND OUT,
DON'T WANNA WAIT!
GOT TO MAKE SURE THAT MY
LIFE WILL BE GREAT!
GOTTA FIND MY PURPOSE
BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.


I'M GONNA FIND MY PURPOSE
COULD BE FAR, COULD BE NEAR
COULD TAKE A WEEK,
A MONTH, A YEAR
AT A JOB, OR SMOKING GRASS
MAYBE AT A POTTERY CLASS!
COULD IT BE?
YES IT COULD!
SOMETHING'S COMING,
SOMETHING GOOD!
I'M GONNA FIND MY PURPOSE
I'M GONNA FIND MY PURPOSE
I'M GONNA FIND IT.
WHAT WILL IT BE? WHERE WILL FT BE?
MY PURPOSE IN LIFE IS A MYSTERY
GOTTA FIND MY PURPOSE
GOTTA FIND ME.
I'M GONNA FIND MY PURPOSE!
PURPOSE PURPOSE PURPOSE!
YEAH YEAH!
GOTTA FIND ME.

Post Grad

They made a movie about my life!
...Okay, that would be a lame movie. But there is a movie coming out called Post Grad, and it's probably very similar to my current situation, but with a super happy ending that will make me jealous. And now that I plugged their movie, I think I deserve some ad cash, no?

You would think having absolutely nothing to do in July would be a dream come true, but I am completely losing my mind- partially because my dog is yapping in my ear right now, but mostly because I have no job and no purpose and the only person I hang out with is my mom (no offense, mom).

Not to mention.. did I miss the memo about the post grad 15? I already did that freshman year. Ugh.

Kvetch kvetch kvetch. Anyone have a job for me?

Let's be frank...

I am officially in a new phase of twenty-something-ness. I am now unemployed and living with my parents. Don't be jealous.

It is 4pm and I am laying in bed with my laptop and 2 out of the 4 dogs that now live in this house (I have one of my own, my mom has 3), and I am looking at the Occupational Outlook Handbook, hoping to find the magic cure to my life of unproductiveness (it's my blog, I can make up words if I so please.) I have no idea what my next step is, to be honest, but I want it to be a good one. I've made so many rash decisions in my day. I transferred schools twice (the second time was a return to the original school), I moved from on campus to off campus and back, I then moved in with my boyfriend of the time, then moved to NYC on my own, had multiple crappy jobs, and now I'm pretty much back at square one- Long Island with the parentals. Oh, and to top it all off, I am single once again. The only thing I have going for me right now is that I will be dancing my big tush off (somewhat, let's hope) in a local production of one of my favorite musicals. Let's hope I at least burn a whole lot of calories and maybe make some local friends in the process.

I did learn from this whole experience that I - A) hate living alone, especially in a shoebox, and B) hate people. Okay, that's an exaggeration. But in all seriousness, working at a restaurant taught me that I..well.. don't want to work in a restaurant. I have so many stories from just 6 months there, and all I did was answer the phones. Just the other day, I was standing at the front desk as usual, drinking a Diet Snapple. A little older gentleman comes from behind and says "Ya know, there are a lot of calories in that!" Ummmmmm. So I, knowing that I wasn't working there much longer, and frankly not caring either way, said "Um A- it's diet, and B- it's none of your business." People. The nerve. And everything was always my fault according to customers that called. If we were booked, if you had to pay for parking, if we didn't have alfredo on the menu. No matter what, it was all me. And just a little bit of info for all you non-New Yorkers- Broadway is an avenue. If you're going to see a show, and you make reservations at a restaurant "on Broadway," it does NOT mean that it is next to The Lion King. Just saying. It'll save you a lot of time and aggravation as you end up waiting 2+ hours for a table in the theatre district.

Honestly.. does anyone read this? I read something in a magazine about some lady who made $30,000 a year from blogging. That's $30,000 more than I make, so read on people...

"Tales From The Bad Years"

About a year and a half ago, I was involved with Goodspeed Opera House's Festival of New Artists in CT. I got to be in a wonderful show called "The Trouble With Doug," which had an awesome message of it's own, but to go along with the theme of this blog, I wanted to share about another show in the festival. Kerrigan and Lowdermilk brought their own review of twenty something kvetches called "Tales From The Bad Years." It was completely brilliant and touched me as a then college student, but even more now post-grad. I thought it was only fitting to share the lyrics from one of the songs from the show, "Twenty-Something" :

“Twenty-Something”

from Tales from the Bad Years

My whole life is right in front me.
I can go anywhere.
Two whole decades can’t prepare you for the moment,
When the page is blank before you,
And you’re barely even twenty-something.
Nothing’s standing in my way.
No one’s holding me back.
College ended and there’s no one here to tell me
Not to hit the bars and rent some cars.
I’ll fuck around
But then I’m gonna change the world.
It’s the generation twenty-something ascending.
We might be young. We might be poor.
But we know we deserve much more than what our parents have.
Who knows what that’ll be?
But we’re ready to discover
If there is life after the Wii.
‘Cause as long as we’re still young and fresh
And twenty-something, we’re free.
This is it. This is what’s hot.
It’s your moment. It’s your decade.
But you’re only twenty-something til you’re not.
Hurry up. Do it now.
If you don’t, if you blink,
Then it’s over.
Show me something I can get behind.
And I’m already there.
I have more free time than I know what to do with.
I’m in twenty different places
But I guess it’s ’cause I’m twenty-something.
Single with a bach’lor pad.
Now I just need a job.
I’ve got time to kill until my life becomes more real.
The time is now for wearing heels,
For roommates, drugs,
For chance encounters.
Raise a glass to the generation twenty-something ascending.
We might be young. we might be poor.
But we know we deserve much more than what our parents have.
Who knows what that’ll be?
We’re the target demographic.
We’re the reason for tv.
We’re obsessively and definitely twenty-something and free.
Don’t think about tomorrow,
There’s enough to do today.
I’m young, smart, on my way.
This is my day.
You blinked.
You’re not twenty-something.

This is it. This is what’s hot.
It’s your moment. It’s your decade.
But you’re only twenty-something til you’re not.
Hurry up. Do it now.
If you don’t, if you blink,
Then it’s over.
Don’t think about tomorrow,
There’s enough to do today.
I’m young, smart, on my way.
This is my day.
You blinked.
You’re not twenty-something.

Raise a glass to the generation twenty-something ascending.
We might be young. we might be poor.
But we know we deserve much more than what our parents have.
Who knows what that’ll be?
When you’re twenty you’re just starting…
When you’re twenty-four…
You’re twenty-five…
You’ll never feel more perfect when life starts at twenty-three.
Because we’re ready and we’re waiting
And we’re twenty-something and free.

To check out more of their songs, video clips, shows, etc., visit kerrigan-lowdermilk.com.

Wes needs to be thrown off the train!

Holy 6 months! So many changes! In fact, the whole year has been chock full of changes, but I guess that's what happens in your 20's.

First of all, I am back with the guy I was seeing up until I moved to NYC. You don't know what you have until it's gone, I guess.. or what you had until some other girl ends up in the picture...
But anyway, I'm so happy to have him back in my life. That just seems to be how I figure things out.. I left my first college, went somewhere else, decided I missed the first one, and went back. Sort of the same thing with my boyfriend! I love him lots and I'm hoping for a great future together.. once I get my life sorted out.

Oooh The Bachelorette is back from commercial break, which means I'll be back when *hopefully* Wes is on a plane back to the US!

WHATTTTT! Man, I really liked this Jillian Harris girl, but she can NOT see through this guys bs!

Okay, back to my life...or lack thereof.
So, of course I quit that other job about 2 minutes after my last post, and I've been working at a restaurant ever since. I barely make any money and I spend the majority of my time there, including my weekends.. so basically I'm on the opposite schedule of the rest of the world, including my boyfriend. Between that and making 3 cents a week, I'm doing pretty damn well. Oh, and I also haven't booked a single acting job. And I might have to move back in with my parents.

Butttt, I'm still hopeful. I am so in my twenties.

I need to learn how to how to save money, not eat everything in sight, and get this job thing down. I thought high school sucked, but this time in my life is so incredibly awkward. I'm jealous of people still in school. Of course when I was there I wanted to graduate and get out into the real world and get some jobs, but now it just blows. I feel a lot of pressure to be productive, but at the same time, there are so many days that it's difficult to get my ass out of bed. I completely hate the job I'm training for. It's clearly the job I have to do in order to do the job I really want to do. I'm praying that I get an opportunity to do what I really want to do for a while so I can get out of the other job.

Whatever, I can't even focus on this anymore. Save meee.

So it's the last day before everyone returns to work. And by everyone, I mean everyone but me. I'm sure I'm supposed to work.. well, I'm supposed to shadow so I can eventually work. Too bad I didn't do my assignment and I still haven't sent in my papers for my notary license. I suppose my new year's resolution should be to get my act together. I'll start later today...

Tired

All pumped about my new blog.. Too bad I need serious sleep before I really dive in... But I figured it worked with the blog title and all. So, night. I'm beat. From nothing.
And get ready for some serious weekly bitching...