"Goodbye my almost lover"

It's crazy what a difference a few years can make. I'm now looking for things in a partner that I never even considered before, because they just weren't important at the time. I'm all of a sudden at a point where I want to be really cautious about who I let into my life, and who I let out of it. Sometimes I have to make choices that don't really feel good at the time, but I believe will be the right choice in the long run. Or maybe I'm over thinking and should go with the flow. I don't know. I just want SOMETHING in my life that feels somewhat solid. I just never feel like I'm enough.. and that's not just with relationships, that goes for everything. I always come close to booking a gig, but I never actually get it. I'm liked.. just sometimes not enough. My grades were always good, but not great. I'm not hideous, but I'm not gorgeous. My weight has been a constant struggle my whole life, and I've never been satisfied with it. Do people not find me good enough (booking a job, dating, friendships, etc.) because I don't find myself good enough? Stupid self esteem.

Speaking of ALMOST, which seems to be the theme of the week.. this song has given me chills every single listen (which, not gonna lie, has been a lot the past few days):

"Almost Lover" - A Fine Frenzy

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images

And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

"If they asked me, I could write a book..."

Back to the wonderfully horrible life of the unemployed. Heavy sigh.

My life is a giant game of limbo.. and the limbo pole keeps getting lower and lower..

I just wish I had the answers.. or that someone else did and was willing to inform me.